I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
