i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
