Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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