fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
