Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
