Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
