I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
