I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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