# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
