I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
