I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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