we have officially lost it.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
