maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
