i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
