Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
