Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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