He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
