I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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