Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
