stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
