i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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