well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
