I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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