Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My balls are so social today.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
