hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
