i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize