you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize