You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
