I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
