Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
