I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
