I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
