I faked an abortion last night.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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