I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
