My brain says no but my pants say off.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
