I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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