Having a random hookup so left but love u
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm both gender and math confused
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
