My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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