I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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