Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
