this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
