I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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