I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
