He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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