You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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