If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
