Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
