apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
