Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
