I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
