I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
