kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
