No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
