You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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