Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
did i walk over a car last night?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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