i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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