I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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