...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if only i could text you this smell
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize