He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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