apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
