when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
