Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
