I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
