There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
