so explain again why im purple
no
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I intend to get homeless drunk
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize