you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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