its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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