We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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