seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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