new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just pee around me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
