Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
