Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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