Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
