Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
