I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
