he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
