so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is Oprah even human
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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