We're facebook friends in real life
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
