im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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