she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
