I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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