And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
