we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize